“Sanity is not a choice, you can’t just choose to get over it”
(Shutter Island, 2010).
I have been physically ill, no not from the stomach flu or the nasal flu but from the lovely reactions and side effects of the drugs I am currently taking. I am fighting back as much as I can, pumping myself full of all natural remedies. But, as I mentioned before, there is no straight diagnoses for those who suffer from psychological disorders, no, we are indeed test subjects (guinea pigs).Drugs are only approved by the FDA if the drug company can show the positive effects; there are few cases in which negative effects are presented to the FDA, nor does the FDA truly look into the harm that can be done.
You see, in order for a drug to receive its license it must prove that the drug is better than a placebo; which would be easy to do since placebos are a manipulation of one's mind to believe there is some type of healing effect. I am getting on board of an uncontrolled experiment, and so are many other who have to take meds to control psychological disorders. It is difficult to think about coming off of meds, because these drugs are not easy to mess with. If you just drop your meds you are absolutely guaranteed to have an episode that will ruin or take your life. Weaning off of a medication is difficult because you are taking something away from your body and brain. You can feel the reactions and you can feel so desperate to end them. How fun to experience the negative effects of anti-depressants, anxiety controllers and antipsychotics; whether you’re adjusting to them, currently taking them or weaning off of them, the effects suck.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow and I am going to request that we agree to wean me off of an unnecessary drug. I am going to fight for my body, mind and spirit. Natural remedies are what I am seeking.
I discovered from a documentary that two handfuls of raw cashews have the equivalent calming effect as one dose of Prozac. Of course Prozac didn't work for me, but it was the chemicals that fucked me up, not the "calming effect" that Prozac claims. I know a lot of people will doubt most of what I am saying, but if you’re fighting for your life wouldn’t you try everything you possibly could to stay alive? Well I am. I am reading a book I probably mentioned before, The Natural Medicine Guide to Bipolar Disorder. “Although antipsychotics are ostensibly given to control delusions or hallucinations they actually have no specific effects on either” 2003) the book also includes a statement made by Dr. Peter R. Breggin, M.D., and David Cohen, Ph.D. (authors of the book Your Drug May Be Your Problem) “All neuroleptics produce an enormous variety of potentially sever and disabling neurological impairments at extraordinarily high rates of occurrences; they are among the most toxic agents ever administered to people” (2003). This is not what I want to live with any longer; this is not what I want for my body. I want health and life for me and my husband, and my beautiful kiddos.
It’s raining outside and on the way to taking my kids to school, they were awing at a beautiful rainbow. They spoke about the possibility of treasure being at the end of the rainbow, I told the kids that you could never catch a rainbow.
Who was I to ruin my kid’s faith in life and the beauty of nature? I then excitingly told them that if they tried real hard they can catch their rainbow. I am on my journey to catch my rainbow, aren’t we all?
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