Bipolar...Looking into more

Blog 3

At this moment I wasn't sure if I should write today, maybe because I'm not in my office (Starbucks). But a nice French press of Starbucks coffee and the comfy couch will be great. I was thinking of the last post I made about my parents and their amazing strength through life. Discovering that your child has Bipolar isn't easy or obvious. Danielle Steel wrote a book about her son who suffered terribly from the disorder; her and her family provided the best care possible. She built an amazing support team for her son Nick; his family took care of him in every way possible. Nick fought an intense battle and his mom watched and fought along with him. Nick lived for nineteen years and lost his battle to Bipolar disease but he won the war for peace. Danielle explained a love she had for her son and her son had an amazing love for her. She tried to understand Bipolar as much as possible. In the beginning of the book she stated, "If I had three wishes, one would be that he had never suffered from mental illness, the other would be of course that he were alive today, but the third would be that someone had warned me, at some point, that mental illness-manic depression-could kill him.”
This non-fiction book of an amazing fictional writer is the most beautiful piece of work I have ever read. His Bright Light helped me to truly understand others who suffer from the same illness I do. Saying to the public and old friends, who could criticize me, “I am Bipolar, manic-depressive”, was a bit intimidating, I now realize that it’s about me. This is my illness, I have to wake up in the morning and take my four pills and six more through the rest of the day. I am the one who has to face me, my own mind; I am the one who experienced everything I did. So to those who decide to look at me and say that I am a screw up and I have always been something or another as I grew up. To those who look down and are ignorant of this illness…to those who say anything negative, Karma will do its work. And oh yeah from the bottom of my heart Fuck you!
To those amazing people who are amazing and open to life, the lives of other people and a mirror of truth, thank you. I write to you as a friend, with love and hope for you. I want people to know that mental illnesses are not menial, ungodly, and irrelevant in the medical field or a reason to look down upon others. Bipolar illness is not selective or prejudice, it does not say that it will introduce itself at a specific time in someone’s life. Bipolar illness breaks me down, my medications: Seroquel, Wellbutrin, Neurontin and Lamictal are “fun”! I deal with so many side effects, almost all cause dry mouth and dehydration, popping joints, dizziness, weight loss, weight gain. The most difficult is seeing my hair break off, my nails brittle and my skin dry. Why do I take these meds? Because at this point, they are the things that are sustaining my mental stability. I know one day I will not need to depend on these meds, (I am currently-slowly working on a vegetarian diet, as much as I can.) I will do my best to stay healthy and alive…for my family, husband, kiddos…and most importantly me!